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Losing friends because I’m a travel blogger: I’m not the problem, You are

We all know someone who knows someone who’s obsessed with traveling and shares tons of photos and updates on their social media accounts.

Whether they’re sweaty low-budget backpackers (solo or not) or wanderlusting fashionistas. Insta-famous influencers or sporty GoPro-vloggers. Trendy bloggers or old school novelists. Travelers who use modern day technology to document their journey from point A to point B to wherever it is their bucket list takes them. Those who Photoshop their photos so much it doesn’t even look like a real photo anymore – and those who keep it real and refuse to edit out any scaffolding, photobombing tourists or even pimples and mosquito bites.

I, too, am a wanderlusting blogger. Often sweaty, sometimes sort of fashionable-ish (mostly not). And just like all these digital nomads (and fabulous tourists) mentioned above, I also want to tell a story and inspire others to live life to the fullest.
Yes, I want to inspire people to take a leap of faith and just go. Explore the world. Book a plane ticket to your dream destination and never look back. Not just because traveling is fun and educational, but it will teach you how to be an independent individual.

And less of a picky eater.
And better yet, you will gain self-confidence. Lots of it. Trust me.

Heck, I’ll be happy even if I can inspire you to try a dish you never dared to try before. Or learn a few words in a different language. Or even just get you out of the house and take the bus or train to a different city and at least explore somewhere new even for just a day.

I love reading sunshine stories about people who went somewhere and did something because someone else inspired them to follow their dreams. I love when people I know (as well as people I don’t know) tell me they finally had the courage to embark on their first ever solo trip thanks to me. These people are the main reason I’m blogging and sharing updates from my travels on all my social media platforms.

But as we all know, being a blogger – no matter how big or small your blog is – comes with a risk. The risk of endless conversations with your parents who worry about you because you’re exposing yourself too much and living in a delusional bubble instead of taking that office desk job and marrying the nice guy you once introduced to your parents, then dumped because he was boring.

And then there’s the risk of losing friends. Old friends, new friends, best friends.

I’ve read tons of articles on this strange consequence of blogging.

Lonely travelers who lost all their friends due to jealousy and bitterness, and stories about friends growing apart and losing touch because of different schedules and lifestyles. The traveler who won’t settle down versus the friend back home who just “doesn’t get it” when you tell them how weird it feels to be back and how you don’t even know where home is anymore.

Most of my old friends are busy getting married, having babies, working their 9-5 jobs and spamming my news feed with “Game of Thrones”-spoilers and photos of their cats, dogs or children.

And here I am, not posting a single photo or status update on Facebook anymore – as I’m worried I’ll end up completely friendless if I do. You see, there’s a whole lot of people who’ve unfriended me and stopped talking to me after I started traveling a lot.

Yes, I might have shared perhaps a little too many photos from my adventures abroad. I’m sorry (not sorry), but I’m proud of myself and my accomplishments. Why wouldn’t I be?

Yes, I am guilty of previously bombarding my feed with photos, status updates and geotags every time I traveled to a new, exciting destination.

But, does that make me a bad friend? 

Looking at it from a different perspective, I guess what I viewed as memories worth sharing with the people I love, was viewed by them as annoying spam by an even more annoying person: me. The friend turned traveler. Solo traveler. And even worse; blogger. And to top it all off; Instagram Influencer. Yuck.
I guess they liked me better as a person before I became a “show-off”, and I completely understand how the word “influencer” will make some people want to vomit. It just sounds so…so… narcissistic. Right?

At one point, I did in fact wonder.

Had I crossed over to the dark side and become something hideous?

Was I, in fact, a narcissist? 

Are all travel bloggers narcissistic douche bags who just won’t stay grounded (literally and figuratively) or are we just misunderstood?

Are we influential storytellers or are we all just a bunch of annoying attention seekers?

Well, if a blogger is happy doing what they do and is causing no harm to anyone while doing it, it can’t be all that bad – can it?

Just how beauty is in the eye of the beholder and one person’s trash is another person’s treasure; bloggers are beautiful treasures to some – and complete trash to others. Digital nomads, traveling fashionistas and soul-searching writers are not self-centered for having a desire to share. They only do what makes them happy – and inspire others to do the same. That’s a good thing, no?

Before I was a blogger, I was a solo traveler with a half-tassed Tumblr blog and Instagram account, both full of photos with captions posted for myself to enjoy, like an online photo journal.

Turned out, people enjoyed reading my little captions and viewing my photos – so I decided to take it all to the next level and put my whole heart, soul and energy into creating enjoyable content for friends, family and complete strangers alike.

Before I was a solo traveler, I was…lost.

Before I expatriated to the US, and before I embarked on my first ever solo trip, I was stuck in a relationship I didn’t want to be in, and I had a 9-5 office desk job I couldn’t stand and I cried myself to sleep more often than not, without even knowing why I was sad. The feeling of emptiness and worthlessness was tearing me up inside and breaking me down.

My self-esteem was non-existent.

At work, I wasn’t good at what I did, and I never tried to make any effort to improve my skills. I just didn’t give a shit. I didn’t feel passionate about my work, my after-work activities, or anything else.
Like I said, I was lost. Before I became who I am today, I believed my life had no purpose and I had no reason to be living it. And strangely enough, this was all while still having a lot of friends. When I was that person. The sad downer with no drive, no passion, nothing.

Today, I am happy. I have a burning desire to create fun content, I have goals, hopes and dreams – and I have plenty of interesting stories to tell about places I’ve been, things I’ve seen and people I’ve met. I am an independent and confident woman. A healthier (but fatter) and better person than I was back then.

But most of my friends are long gone.

So, what happened?

Well. Let me just tell you what happened last time I saw an old friend who’d been ghosting me for a while after I found my happiness. We were at a coffeeshop and she was telling me about this trip she was planning, and told me she’d probably have to travel solo as most of her other friends were too busy to tag along. I volunteered to join her (I mean, I was her friend, wasn’t I?) and she immediately changed the subject.

And then she said; “Can I just ask you; how on earth did you get all those followers on Instagram? I mean, your photos aren’t even that good”.

The hours spent sipping coffee awkwardly with this old friend of mine were nothing but uncomfortable and I believe we’d both been better off if she’d just continued ghosting me and kept her thoughts to herself.

This girl was just one out of many people who for some reason decided version 2.0 of me was a shitty update with too much fancy stuff going on, compared to the previous version.

It’s hard to say goodbye, but sometimes you just have to let go.

If a person can’t be happy for you, they were never really a good friend in the first place.

Thanks to my curious nature and travel-addiction, I’ve met a lot of wonderful people who love to travel just as much as I do. I’ve met inspirational bloggers, vloggers and backpacking nomads from all over the world – and I’ve learned to really appreciate my friends back home.

The handful of friends who didn’t walk away when my life changed to the better. The ones who stayed to cheer me on, instead.

Those are the friends who will be enjoying room-service with me at a charming hotel in the south of France (for a complimentary stay) or get drunk with me at a beer festival in Germany (when sponsored).

Just saying.

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9 comments on “Losing friends because I’m a travel blogger: I’m not the problem, You are

  1. Sara White

    This post is so spot-on, and I feel your pain. While I don’t think I’ve lost my friends because of my blog (which I’ve only really recently started to write in on a semi-regular basis), I know I’ve lost friends because of my Instagram posts, photos shared on Facebook, etc – and most of all, just because I moved across the world to Italy to pursue a dream. I get a lot of semi-snide comments like, “oh, must be nice being able to travel all the time and not have to worry about working”, which makes me see red, because I work a full-time, pretty intense job that I’m lucky enough to be able to do remotely, and yes, I do travel quite a bit within Italy, but what these people don’t see or know is that a) travel within Italy is actually really cheap – probably cheaper than taking a weekend getaway in the US, b) a lot of the time we’re staying with friends, and c) I always, always always have my computer and mobile wifi in-tow, conferencing calling and working while everyone else heads out and has fun! Anyhow, sorry for the long rant. In short, your post totally resonated with me!

  2. I’m so shocked to hear about the struggles you’ve faced while pursuing the life that you love. Some people won’t understand your path because they struggle to be happy for others. It sounds like they choose to tear you down out of jealousy. As you say right at the end though, the good friends you have that don’t care what you do. I’m so glad you have found happiness chasing your dreams and have the strength to ignore those who are not worth your time.

  3. I can totally relate to this! Thank you for sharing your experience! I haven’t been blogging for as long so I haven’t experienced friends ghosting me yet, but I do get the occasional snarky comments “How did you get so many Instagram followers? Bet you bought them!” or “Greta’s too cool to travel with us now” etc. I recently broke up with my boyfriend because I moved back to Italy for the summer after quitting my job and he didn’t like the long distance + was being really unsupportive about my decision to quit my 9-5 to be a blogger. If the people closest to you who are supposed to be supporting you just make your life harder, you’re better off without them!

  4. A-freakin-men girlfriend!! I started my travel blog after graduating from my Bachelor of Science. While all my uni friends we’re continuing on to do post-graduation study in amazing scientific fields, I moved out of home, got a job and saved up to go away for 3 months, came home, went back to work to save even more to now go an a world trip indefinitely. I didn’t lose my passion for science, but instead found a bigger, more all-consuming passion in travelling while I was young. Nobody gets it and we are all slowly losing touch. And at the same time I’m not particularly interested in catching up with them and spending the whole time talking about their thesis, and research and spending all day in a lab with flies and mice, when I’ve now entered the big wide world outside of study.

    Thank you for writing this, it’s totally relatable and helpful to read stories from bloggers in similar positions. And heck yeah to hanging out in French Chateau’s with like minded people!!

  5. This rings so true. Combine being a blogger with having a remote job and you’ll get all the bitterness possible your way. I used to not post much but nowadays I just use my blogs’ Facebook pages and Instagram to post 🙂
    Yes, I lost friends. Yes, I was called a narcissist and my decision not to have kids was also not taken nicely by many. I really don’t care anymore.

  6. Friends you lose may well be those you would lose touch with in any case, even if you stayed put. You are doing what many are afraid to do but wish they could. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! I used to tell my students (I am a retired teacher) to sell everything they owned and travel. Some did. Some wish they had. How nice to be able to look back one day and have few regrets.

  7. Girl, I totally feel your story. We share very similar situations! I’ve gone through all of these feelings too. My losing friends thing started even before I was blogging, it started when I began traveling. I’ve separated from many so-called friends because they couldn’t understand my choices and weren’t interested in hearing about my experiences, even though I’d listen to theirs and not really find interest in them either. lol But I still listened, because we were friends. I can keep going on about this but if you check out my latest post on travel guilt and vacation shaming a lot of it is explained there… it’s about this very thing! Just keep doing what makes YOU happy. At the end of the day, we have to answer to ourselves. And forget those who can’t understand you. Because, what I’m learning is there are people who will.., it’s just harder to find them! lol Keep blogging 🙂

  8. Just be careful here, as certainly your true friends should be supportive of you and excited for your accomplishments, but they also should be honest with you and let you know when you might want to check yourself. Friendship isn’t about agreeing with all you do, but involves honesty. True friends are also not people who hang around to simply take advantage of the perks you can offer them. On that note, you might want to check those last few paragraphs of what you wrote, as that does make you sound snotty.

    • explorelovetravel

      Yes, I know that my true friends are not just there for the perks – but as they are the ones who are there for the highs and lows and support me through everything, they are also the ones I’ll be sharing those moments with. Not the ones who judge anyone who decides to live a life “outside of the box”. At the end of the day, it’s not unusual that people grow apart. And in any friendship there will be disagreements. I understand that. I expect that. I don’t expect to sit there on my high horse and be praised for nothing. I only expect mutual respect and mutual support 🙂 thanks for sharing your viewpoint! 🙂

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